The Parade

• Govinder's Grocery Store From MarkJT in The Parade (509 days old)

  'Hello Boss. You heard about Mr Johnson? He was caught shagging his next door neighbour. At the bus stop. And she's 87. We've all done it.'… more

• Jamieson Kilpatrick and Co From MarkJT in The Parade (663 days old)

  'It was awful. He had to have an enema. Just like that geezer in Iceland' 'Who? Bjorn?' 'No. Old Faithful'… more

• Govinder's Grocery Store From MarkJT in The Parade (1154 days old)

  'Hello boss. You know in Australia he was running for Mayor. His campaign was massive. He had an elephant. We've all done it'… more

• Jamieson Kilpatrick and Co From MarkJT in The Parade (1202 days old)

  'I've got to attend an ID parade' 'Do you reckon you'll pick him out?' 'I doubt it. It's so unfair. They'll all look the same'.… more

• Jim's Antiques From MarkJT in The Parade (1404 days old)

  'I'm looking for something by an impressionist' 'Just like that or nice to see you to see you nice?'… more

• Jamieson Kilpatrick and Co From MarkJT in The Parade (1443 days old)

  'You might know him. He works for the police. Peter. The photographer.' 'Forensic?' 'I don't know his second name.'… more

• Jim's Antiques From MarkJT in The Parade (1465 days old)

  'Excuse me. Would you like to buy this watch?' 'No sorry. I haven't got the time.'… more

• Luigi's Pet Shop From MarkJT in The Parade (1479 days old)

  'Bird flu? Of course the bird flu.....how d'ya think he gotta here in the first place?… more

• Jim's Antiques From MarkJT in The Parade (1521 days old)

  'My God! I have never see one of these with my own eyes. It's absolutely priceless. Where did you get it from?' 'I burgled Buckingham Palace last night.'… more

• Jamieson Kilpatrick and Co From MarkJT in The Parade (1531 days old)

  'He follows them religiously. Goes every week. He's fanatical about them but it's only football for God's sake. He's even got a box.' 'Wow! Is he really rich then?' 'No. He stands on it. He's on… more

• Jim's Antiques From MarkJT in The Parade (1533 days old)

  'Look. See there. All those holes in the wood. It's a classic sign.' 'What? Of woodworm?' 'No. Whoever owned this before was rubbish at darts.'… more

• Sid's Cafe From MarkJT in The Parade (1535 days old)

  'I don't understand these microwave meals. Look at these instructions........'PIERCE LID IN SEVERAL PLACES'........Well, I've done it once in the toilet, once upstairs and once outside. Where now?' … more

• Eric the Barber From MarkJT in The Parade (1540 days old)

  'Northern girls. I love them. I reckon they get dirtier the further north you go. In fact, my son went out with an Eskimo woman. She was hot.'… more

• Jamieson Kilpatrick and Co From MarkJT in The Parade (1550 days old)

  'I went to the Family Records Office on Sunday.' 'Really? Why?' 'To look for my Mum and Dad.' 'And did you find them?' 'No. I left a message with the receptionist that I'd meet them in McD… more

• Govinder's Grocery Store From MarkJT in The Parade (1568 days old)

  'Hello boss. It's terrible you know. He's started working with Eric. First customer - he cut his ear off! We've all done it.'… more

• Jim's Antiques From MarkJT in The Parade (1576 days old)

  'Ah. I know what that is.' 'How?' 'Look there. On the side of the box. It says 'Cigarette Lighter'.'… more

• Govinder's Grocery Store From MarkJT in The Parade (1577 days old)

  'Hello Boss. He's at it again you know. He was staying with his mother in law after a night out on the piss. He needed a wee in the middle of the night and got out of bed and pissed in the wardrobe. T… more

• Jamieson Kilpatrick and Co From MarkJT in The Parade (1582 days old)

  ''Ere. You know those two who got nicked for stealing batteries and fireworks from Govinder's shop?' 'Yeah. What happened to them?' 'They charged one and let the other one off.'… more

• Luigi's Pet Shop From MarkJT in The Parade (1583 days old)

  'Whaddyamean? Of course, we do canaries. We've only got the yellow ones in at the moment.'… more

• One Stop Shop From MarkJT in The Parade (1584 days old)

  If you happen to be passing by The Parade why not pop in and leave your own monoblogue? (use the comments field and I can cut and paste it in) By the way, Sid's Cafe is open if you're peckish… more

• Jim's Antiques From MarkJT in The Parade (1585 days old)

  'Very nice. I can tell you straightaway who's painted that.' 'How?' 'Look there. It's signed Arthur Pritchard.'… more

• Jamieson Kilpatrick and Co From MarkJT in The Parade (1591 days old)

  'He was really nervous, bless him. It's our first child and he wanted to be there and help out. He was all fingers and thumbs and couldn't do enough. I asked him to pass me a pad but he couldn't even… more

• Govinder's Grocery Store From MarkJT in The Parade (1593 days old)

  'Hello Boss. He's in trouble again, you know. He got pissed and was sick all down the back of this woman on the bus. Then he shat his pants. And missed his stop so he had to walk home. We've all done … more

• Jim's Antiques From MarkJT in The Parade (1596 days old)

  'I can tell you exactly how much this is worth' 'How?' 'Look. There. On the label. It says £7-99'… more

• Govinder's Grocery Store From MarkJT in The Parade (1598 days old)

  'He is sore I tell you. Can't hardly walk now you know. He was sat in A and E for ages. He caught his foreskin in his zip when he was in the toilet you know. We've all done it.'… more

• Eric the Barber From MarkJT in The Parade (1600 days old)

  'My daughter? She works in the city. She flies about like a blue arsed fly. Never seems to have enough time, always busy. Funny really. Ever since she was a kid she wanted to be a nurse. She just … more

• Sid's Cafe From MarkJT in The Parade (1604 days old)

  ‘Twenty third of April. St George's Day. Do you know I met my missus for the first time on that day? I’ll never forget it....................... Old St George had more success with his dragon’. … more

• Jamieson Kilpatrick and Co, Solicitors From MarkJT in The Parade (1605 days old)

  'I was helping my son with his homework last night. All about angles and shapes and things. Pythagoras' theorem, Isosceles triangles, right angled triangles.....', 'What about the Bermuda Triangle?… more

• Jim's Antiques From MarkJT in The Parade (1606 days old)

  'Well, straightaway I can tell it's 19th Century' 'How?' ' It says 1886 in the corner'.… more

• Eric the Barber From MarkJT in The Parade (1608 days old)

  'The doctor said I was suffering from barophobia......a fear of gravity. A fear of gravity! I ask you. Still, I won't let it get me down'.… more

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