The Parade

'Look. See there. All those holes in the wood. It's a classic sign.'

'What? Of woodworm?'

'No. Whoever owned this before was rubbish at darts.'

'I don't understand these microwave meals. Look at these instructions........'PIERCE LID IN SEVERAL PLACES'........Well, I've done it once in the toilet, once upstairs and once outside. Where now?'

'Northern girls. I love them. I reckon they get dirtier the further north you go. In fact, my son went out with an Eskimo woman. She was hot.'

'I went to the Family Records Office on Sunday.'

'Really? Why?'

'To look for my Mum and Dad.'

'And did you find them?'

'No. I left a message with the receptionist that I'd meet them in McDonald's.'

'Hello boss. It's terrible you know. He's started working with Eric. First customer - he cut his ear off! We've all done it.'

'Ah. I know what that is.'

'How?'

'Look there. On the side of the box. It says 'Cigarette Lighter'.'

'Hello Boss. He's at it again you know. He was staying with his mother in law after a night out on the piss. He needed a wee in the middle of the night and got out of bed and pissed in the wardrobe. Then he got in bed with her. We've all done it.'

''Ere. You know those two who got nicked for stealing batteries and fireworks from Govinder's shop?'

'Yeah. What happened to them?'

'They charged one and let the other one off.'

'Whaddyamean? Of course, we do canaries. We've only got the yellow ones in at the moment.'

If you happen to be passing by The Parade why not pop in and leave your own monoblogue?

By the way, Sid's Cafe is open if you're peckish